does time have to be linear?

On NPR the other day, a man explained how he didn't feel he needed to follow the rules the world has created around linear time. First thought: What a kook. Second thought: How does he survive if he purposely isolates himself from society? Third thought: aybe he isn't kooky, maybe he is onto something...maybe he really understands what it means to LIVE. Fourth thought: No, he's a kook. 

The concept of linear time has remained on my mind. I mean, this is my first post since 2013. I never stopped loving to write. I never was judged on what I wrote - hell, no one even reads this. But if time were linear wouldn't we (or I) be better at being consistent? Me and consistency never really were dear friends. We aren't enemies either. We are just very different and can't seem to figure out how we fit into each others lives. I have never consistently been on a work out plan more than 4 months. I have never consistently eaten healthy. I have never consistently read books - I either am really into a book or it just sits on the nightstand. I have never consistently written in my blog or journal. Don't worry, I do consistently brush my teeth every morning and every night. Showers are consistent too. But I get caught up in other things. I get lazy. I get distracted. Hey, I'm just being honest. My moods change as much as food or fashion trends - and my mood has a lot to do with my consistency. 

Boredom at work led me onto Tumblr which ultimately led me back to my blog. I read the last few posts and smiled from ear to ear because I discovered - I totally am consistent! At least WAY more than I thought. I still whole-heartedly believe the same ideas about balance - within yourself and a relationship - and how to achieve it. This includes how to be happy by letting your life's direction be taken by the wind. And that traveling and writing and reading taking care of your mind and body are the simple things that I personally need to feel free. Many times I do not feel free. I feel chained down to the roles society has created for me. My job. My empty bank account. My room that I'm renting from my sister and brother-in-law. All these things most certainly do not make me feel free in the same sense of freedom I felt while living in Israel or traveling elsewhere. However, I have discovered that physical freedom is completely different from mental freedom and freedom of your heart. The former not being the most important. Your mind and your heart must feel free. That is really it. You should not feel trapped in a relationship that brings you no fire. You should not feel like you have no outlet to express your creativity. You should certainly be able to get there all on your own...and you should continue the journey to that place throughout your whole life. 

You would think with the last paragraph that I would be a TOTAL eco-friendly, granola-eating, Birkenstock-wearing hippie who practices yoga and dumps 1 tsp of chia seeds in each 8 oz. of water. FALSE. I actually am terrible at yoga which keeps me away from practicing and I just had 14 handfuls of jelly beans. I regret it all. But my previous ideas come from a place of living simply, and recognizing you really do not need many things to find balance and happiness in your mind. All you really need is the notion to understand if you wanted to be a practicing yogi who eats the same 80% plant-based diet as Giselle and Tom Brady, you really could be. 

Cheers to keepin' it consistent!

don't go changing a soul.

Think about yourself for a minute (like you don't already think about yourself all day). Most emerging adults are pretty satisfied with who they have become. We surround ourselves with friends who are similar and share the same interests, humor, and style. We talk a certain way, walk a certain way, shop at certain stores, and have certain activities we enjoy. We can not be changed. 

When you start to date someone, there will always be something (maybe a lot of somethings) that you don't necessarily like about them. Small or large, don't credit yourself with being able to change that aspect of who they are. You like who you are and you are aware of your own flaws and you are setting out to fix them. So, don't go doing it for someone else. You either need to embrace it or leave altogether.

Time creates all things.

If you give it enough time, your good and bad qualities will blend together and balance each other. And if they don't, walk away gracefully because you are just not a match.

For ourselves, its a wonderful thing to continuously notice something that we want to change/improve. Striving to be a better version of yourself is nothing to be ashamed of.

summer goals:

-read as many books as possible
-learn to skateboard
-squeeze in a beach picnic at least once a week
-YOGA
-eat clean
-go on a few different, new adventures (i.e., drive the coast)


Summer is the perfect time to readjust, recalculate, and refocus. The surplus of Vitamin D creates a playground of happiness and motivation. Enjoy it!

thank god it's friday, right?

Just a couple minutes ago I was going to send out a snapchat to my friends with a tagline - something along the lines of, "YAY FOR FRIDAYYYY!" For whatever reason I waited and thought I would do it later. Then I proceeded to Instagram (a very social-media kind of morning) where the first post was a quote:

People wait 
all week for Friday,
all year for Summer,
all life for happiness.

Truer words were never written. 

I know I am not the only guilty soul of this. I see it all the time. Girlfriends of mine and myself spend a lot of our time planning, then counting down, then doing it, then documenting it, then planning again. Looking forward to something is the best way to get through the week, but hey, what about the week itself?

Yesterday was Thursday, which means Redondo Beach Farmer's Market. I took the baby I watch down there for a little stroll and some play time and honestly, we both came home so happy! It was so beautiful outside. I got a delicious iced coffee from a cart who's business shared my first name. Zachary tried his first cherry (pit removed). I sampled Jalapeno Popcorn (no description necessary, except for YUM). All followed by a wonderful play session at the park. Simple, joyful, and overall a great day. Friday is not always where its at, people.

Take advantage of your Mondays and Tuesdays. Take advantage of your Winter and Fall. Take advantage of all of your days. Not each one needs to be grand, including jet-setting and sipping champagne. Sometimes the simplest days, rain or shine, can be the best.

Poop, Broccoli, & Strollers

It's funny in high school and college when you get that "Where do you see yourself in 5/10 years?" question. It is always so glamorous. You see the suit, the office with an ocean view, and the overflowing bank account. If you are like me you see all kinds of new and interesting places being traveled and explored. I thought I would be roaming the world, never considering the price tag. Speaking of things being funny, I still envision myself this way.

This leads me to my life of wiping up poop, steaming broccoli, and learning the intense and overwhelming technology of today's average stroller. You can add to this list - knowing very ridiculous songs about colors and animals, adopting an entirely new wardrobe of yoga pants and big ugly shirts (as well as mastering the au natural no make up look), whipping around town on a Saturday night with the girls and then remembering you have a car seat in your car, and I have to just mention the poop again. "Your baby is so cute" is what I get a lot. I used to always say "I'm his nanny!" Now I just say, "Thanks!" I mean at this point he is partially mine, right? I mean that in a totally non-creepy way. I would never claim full responsibility of the child I watch, but it's like when you work at an ice cream shop, you would say, "my ice cream is the best in town!" You sure as hell did not create that recipe and simultaneously get the position of cashier. We all take ownership of our jobs, especially after some time. But being a nanny is a breed all its own. I am well aware that I am nice, white, young, Jewish girl and that most people would choose me to watch their child, but, like, are you sure? I am 100% capable of taking care of this baby, I have fallen in love with him! But I am also 100% capable of losing my phone for the second time at Coachella, spending too much money on clothes and other random items, and deciding to up and leave the country with the drop of a hat (done that multiple times now). I find myself displeased with my nanny career considering I am an educated woman in the field of Journalism, but then I think about the perks: the yoga pants, no taxes, nice hours, the baby sleeps a lot, we take walks regularly, no make-up, no cubicle, and I just love the yoga pants. I was so rushed before to get into my field, go back to grad school, find a "real job." As the time moves forward, I realize I don't have the worst thing going for me. I have the ability to really explore my options, write in my blog, plan my future.

The day will come when I am doing what I am meant to do and what I am great at. That day will come for anyone who is willing to let it, who is willing to work for it. The rushing is silly and pointless. Everyone has many roads that lead to many places. We just have to slow down. Accept the nanny career as it is because its a good thing right now.

That's my cue...the baby's crying.

You are young, you are getting old.

"You are young! You still have so much time to make decisions."

"You are about to be 24, you should be at least heading in the right direction."

These are the conflicting things not only going through my own head, but what I am being told by others. Sometimes the same person says both of these things to me in one conversation. Sometimes one of my parents says one of the two, the other one says the other, the next day they switch. P.s. confusion is not a good parenting technique.

Listen, (well, read...) I went through four years of college, like many others. I graduated and didn't leave feeling like life was going to start right there, right then. Maybe I should have? I felt like a lot of different big opportunities were on their way and I would get my toes wet in a few of them and rely on what I have relied on for many years - the wind - to lead me in the right direction. I don't really recommend this advice to future grads, but it hasn't served me all that bad. However, here I am today stuck between a....(I wanted to say a rock and a hard place, but I am trying to be a writer here). Here I am today with slight opportunities here and there, all requiring my hard work, FOCUS, determination, and focus (did I mention focus?). I am willing to work hard for something I love, and I am determined to do something I love and be good at it, but my focus has led me astray. I am no doctor, and I would never diagnose myself with a disease that children and adults actually do struggle with each day, but I definitely do have focus issues. If I haven't seen a friend in a while and I am really excited about our coffee date, here goes the introduction: Hi! Hey! How are you doing? I've been good, just busy working and - I seriously love this sweater where is it from? I got it at this new - oh the one with all the clothes? Yeah, they have - Wait, I have to ask you this before we keep talking about that, did Jim and Kate break up? OMG, yes! So sad, I think he che - Yeah I heard he cheated with that random chick, do you watch that new TV show? ...... Get it??

I received sound advice from one of the writers/producers of Friends on Monday morning. Lucky me, I got to meet with him for an hour while he made me feel more motivated and more capable of successfully reaching my goal than I have felt in a while. It is inevitable to still feel self-doubt, like someone else is much better than you, but I am learning all about this thing called, FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT.

Not because I have focus issues, but because it is time to change the subject - Anna visited from Friday until yesterday. We had the best time!! I loved having her in California with me and shopping and eating and shopping and eating and shopping. It is amazing how I met her in Israel, spent everyday with her for 9 months, and feel closer to her than some people I have grown up with. If only she were a guy?! Sharing the same humor with someone is priceless.

The beginning of 2013 had me uptight and nervous and panicking over my future. April is now here and I have stepped back and let the wind back into my life. Things will work out because I want them too. Enjoy the moments you have with your friends and with YOURSELF while you are young. Eat well, take care of your body and your MIND. Read. Write. And always appreciate.

My last post was in June, last summer. Well now it is just about to be April and everyone is talking about summer again! Oh, how time flies.

I wish with every ounce of my being that I could say this was a continuation of my journey's through Israel and continuing abroad, but instead I am home in Southern California and have been here since August. I have been working as a nanny and have just started to take prerequisites to apply for grad school. My writing - my love - has without a doubt taken a back seat, better yet its been locked in the trunk of the car. Why? I have NO clue why. Laziness? Self-doubt? Who is even reading this anyway? I guess I don't really care who reads it. It's a place for me to regurgitate my thoughts and practice my craft. A place where I can be honest without judgement. I would love for a career in writing to come sweep me off my feet into the moonlight of swanky coffeeshops and ultimately onto bookshelves in all shapes and sizes, but if only it were that easy...

Luckily I have family and friends who are the equivalent to a very pricey Shrink and have encouraged me to keep writing - whether its published, private, in a blog, or on a Post-it. These same friends and family have given me priceless advice, the most important coming from my dear Deanna, "These are precious life hours that you are wasting." No one has ever spoken truer words.

No countdowns, please!

Sunset from a friends roof in Yafo, Israel

During winter, the days couldn't go any slower. Now, the sun doesn't set until 8 pm and the ocean is the perfect temperature. I could lay in the white fluffy sand all day...and never go home. Too late, the plane ticket has been purchased. My year in Israel has been....well, unexplainable. There are no words that I can say to sum it up. Well I guess, perfect? I am not going to be going home fluent like I had planned, but I am pretty damn good compared to my level of Hebrew knowledge when I arrived here. I have met so many amazing people from all over the world - these people have become friends, really, really great friends. That is why I am not going to say, "goodbye." I know I will be back soon enough.

Enough about this going home business. I still have a month of adventures and excitement left here. What has been going on has been similar to a rollercoaster, or a double life. By day I am an English teacher to what are now my favorite children in the world. Nights and weekends are for parties of all kinds and "exploring Israeli culture." I put quotations for a reason, if you can't figure it out, I am sorry, but I am not going to tell you. I love the diversity of my life here. I love how I wake up feeling ready for each new day and each new activity. On a Monday I could be kayaking in the ocean and the next day I can be babysitting a three year old that speaks three languages. Nothing is linear, consistent, or in any kind of pattern. There is lack of balance and direction. Everything is just the way I like it.

Summer Sunset outside of Netanya, Israel

PRIDE

Conquering the Negev Desert

Now is a good time to explain what this crazy life has entailed. Last weekend there was the Tel Aviv Gay Pride Parade and Beach Party. Considering Tel Aviv is a top 5 gay capital of the world, it was up there with most amazing things. The crosswalks were transformed from their normal boring white zebra stripes to all the colors of the rainbow and gays and straights flooded the streets to support equal love for everyone. I am a supporter, so of course I was there marching with all the sexy people under the blazing sun all the way to the beach. Only a day later I had to say goodbye to my dear friend, Anna, she headed home a couple weeks early and I am so sad to see her go considering I spent maybe 18 hours of the day with her, everyday. I went hiking south in the biggest crater in the Negev, to a bachelorette party, a wedding, a three day music festival at the Sea of Galilee, and my students had a concert. Each and every one of these events has made me happier and happier. It has also brought me to the conclusion, or proven my hypothesis, that Israelis are the craziest, most fun, amazing, and wild people I have ever come across. Being in the presence of an Israeli is one of the best things ever. You are sure to a. learn something new and/or b. do something stupid/something you never would have thought you would do.

How is one supposed to leave their "happy place?" Head back to their family and friends and get a job? I need answers. In the Jewish Holy Land you would think a nice Jewish girl could find them. Nope, I only have more questions.