Poop, Broccoli, & Strollers

It's funny in high school and college when you get that "Where do you see yourself in 5/10 years?" question. It is always so glamorous. You see the suit, the office with an ocean view, and the overflowing bank account. If you are like me you see all kinds of new and interesting places being traveled and explored. I thought I would be roaming the world, never considering the price tag. Speaking of things being funny, I still envision myself this way.

This leads me to my life of wiping up poop, steaming broccoli, and learning the intense and overwhelming technology of today's average stroller. You can add to this list - knowing very ridiculous songs about colors and animals, adopting an entirely new wardrobe of yoga pants and big ugly shirts (as well as mastering the au natural no make up look), whipping around town on a Saturday night with the girls and then remembering you have a car seat in your car, and I have to just mention the poop again. "Your baby is so cute" is what I get a lot. I used to always say "I'm his nanny!" Now I just say, "Thanks!" I mean at this point he is partially mine, right? I mean that in a totally non-creepy way. I would never claim full responsibility of the child I watch, but it's like when you work at an ice cream shop, you would say, "my ice cream is the best in town!" You sure as hell did not create that recipe and simultaneously get the position of cashier. We all take ownership of our jobs, especially after some time. But being a nanny is a breed all its own. I am well aware that I am nice, white, young, Jewish girl and that most people would choose me to watch their child, but, like, are you sure? I am 100% capable of taking care of this baby, I have fallen in love with him! But I am also 100% capable of losing my phone for the second time at Coachella, spending too much money on clothes and other random items, and deciding to up and leave the country with the drop of a hat (done that multiple times now). I find myself displeased with my nanny career considering I am an educated woman in the field of Journalism, but then I think about the perks: the yoga pants, no taxes, nice hours, the baby sleeps a lot, we take walks regularly, no make-up, no cubicle, and I just love the yoga pants. I was so rushed before to get into my field, go back to grad school, find a "real job." As the time moves forward, I realize I don't have the worst thing going for me. I have the ability to really explore my options, write in my blog, plan my future.

The day will come when I am doing what I am meant to do and what I am great at. That day will come for anyone who is willing to let it, who is willing to work for it. The rushing is silly and pointless. Everyone has many roads that lead to many places. We just have to slow down. Accept the nanny career as it is because its a good thing right now.

That's my cue...the baby's crying.

You are young, you are getting old.

"You are young! You still have so much time to make decisions."

"You are about to be 24, you should be at least heading in the right direction."

These are the conflicting things not only going through my own head, but what I am being told by others. Sometimes the same person says both of these things to me in one conversation. Sometimes one of my parents says one of the two, the other one says the other, the next day they switch. P.s. confusion is not a good parenting technique.

Listen, (well, read...) I went through four years of college, like many others. I graduated and didn't leave feeling like life was going to start right there, right then. Maybe I should have? I felt like a lot of different big opportunities were on their way and I would get my toes wet in a few of them and rely on what I have relied on for many years - the wind - to lead me in the right direction. I don't really recommend this advice to future grads, but it hasn't served me all that bad. However, here I am today stuck between a....(I wanted to say a rock and a hard place, but I am trying to be a writer here). Here I am today with slight opportunities here and there, all requiring my hard work, FOCUS, determination, and focus (did I mention focus?). I am willing to work hard for something I love, and I am determined to do something I love and be good at it, but my focus has led me astray. I am no doctor, and I would never diagnose myself with a disease that children and adults actually do struggle with each day, but I definitely do have focus issues. If I haven't seen a friend in a while and I am really excited about our coffee date, here goes the introduction: Hi! Hey! How are you doing? I've been good, just busy working and - I seriously love this sweater where is it from? I got it at this new - oh the one with all the clothes? Yeah, they have - Wait, I have to ask you this before we keep talking about that, did Jim and Kate break up? OMG, yes! So sad, I think he che - Yeah I heard he cheated with that random chick, do you watch that new TV show? ...... Get it??

I received sound advice from one of the writers/producers of Friends on Monday morning. Lucky me, I got to meet with him for an hour while he made me feel more motivated and more capable of successfully reaching my goal than I have felt in a while. It is inevitable to still feel self-doubt, like someone else is much better than you, but I am learning all about this thing called, FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT.

Not because I have focus issues, but because it is time to change the subject - Anna visited from Friday until yesterday. We had the best time!! I loved having her in California with me and shopping and eating and shopping and eating and shopping. It is amazing how I met her in Israel, spent everyday with her for 9 months, and feel closer to her than some people I have grown up with. If only she were a guy?! Sharing the same humor with someone is priceless.

The beginning of 2013 had me uptight and nervous and panicking over my future. April is now here and I have stepped back and let the wind back into my life. Things will work out because I want them too. Enjoy the moments you have with your friends and with YOURSELF while you are young. Eat well, take care of your body and your MIND. Read. Write. And always appreciate.

My last post was in June, last summer. Well now it is just about to be April and everyone is talking about summer again! Oh, how time flies.

I wish with every ounce of my being that I could say this was a continuation of my journey's through Israel and continuing abroad, but instead I am home in Southern California and have been here since August. I have been working as a nanny and have just started to take prerequisites to apply for grad school. My writing - my love - has without a doubt taken a back seat, better yet its been locked in the trunk of the car. Why? I have NO clue why. Laziness? Self-doubt? Who is even reading this anyway? I guess I don't really care who reads it. It's a place for me to regurgitate my thoughts and practice my craft. A place where I can be honest without judgement. I would love for a career in writing to come sweep me off my feet into the moonlight of swanky coffeeshops and ultimately onto bookshelves in all shapes and sizes, but if only it were that easy...

Luckily I have family and friends who are the equivalent to a very pricey Shrink and have encouraged me to keep writing - whether its published, private, in a blog, or on a Post-it. These same friends and family have given me priceless advice, the most important coming from my dear Deanna, "These are precious life hours that you are wasting." No one has ever spoken truer words.

No countdowns, please!

Sunset from a friends roof in Yafo, Israel

During winter, the days couldn't go any slower. Now, the sun doesn't set until 8 pm and the ocean is the perfect temperature. I could lay in the white fluffy sand all day...and never go home. Too late, the plane ticket has been purchased. My year in Israel has been....well, unexplainable. There are no words that I can say to sum it up. Well I guess, perfect? I am not going to be going home fluent like I had planned, but I am pretty damn good compared to my level of Hebrew knowledge when I arrived here. I have met so many amazing people from all over the world - these people have become friends, really, really great friends. That is why I am not going to say, "goodbye." I know I will be back soon enough.

Enough about this going home business. I still have a month of adventures and excitement left here. What has been going on has been similar to a rollercoaster, or a double life. By day I am an English teacher to what are now my favorite children in the world. Nights and weekends are for parties of all kinds and "exploring Israeli culture." I put quotations for a reason, if you can't figure it out, I am sorry, but I am not going to tell you. I love the diversity of my life here. I love how I wake up feeling ready for each new day and each new activity. On a Monday I could be kayaking in the ocean and the next day I can be babysitting a three year old that speaks three languages. Nothing is linear, consistent, or in any kind of pattern. There is lack of balance and direction. Everything is just the way I like it.

Summer Sunset outside of Netanya, Israel

PRIDE

Conquering the Negev Desert

Now is a good time to explain what this crazy life has entailed. Last weekend there was the Tel Aviv Gay Pride Parade and Beach Party. Considering Tel Aviv is a top 5 gay capital of the world, it was up there with most amazing things. The crosswalks were transformed from their normal boring white zebra stripes to all the colors of the rainbow and gays and straights flooded the streets to support equal love for everyone. I am a supporter, so of course I was there marching with all the sexy people under the blazing sun all the way to the beach. Only a day later I had to say goodbye to my dear friend, Anna, she headed home a couple weeks early and I am so sad to see her go considering I spent maybe 18 hours of the day with her, everyday. I went hiking south in the biggest crater in the Negev, to a bachelorette party, a wedding, a three day music festival at the Sea of Galilee, and my students had a concert. Each and every one of these events has made me happier and happier. It has also brought me to the conclusion, or proven my hypothesis, that Israelis are the craziest, most fun, amazing, and wild people I have ever come across. Being in the presence of an Israeli is one of the best things ever. You are sure to a. learn something new and/or b. do something stupid/something you never would have thought you would do.

How is one supposed to leave their "happy place?" Head back to their family and friends and get a job? I need answers. In the Jewish Holy Land you would think a nice Jewish girl could find them. Nope, I only have more questions.

Holocaust to Revival

When I look around, all I can see are Israeli flags. The country is covered with them. There is blue and white banners lining the streets of every city. Remember after 9/11 when every American house suddenly displayed those historical, patriotic stars and stripes? Every year Israel does this too. Israel dedicates an entire week to remembering the events, victims, and survivors of the Holocaust. Followed by a day of commemoration to the Fallen Soldiers of the Israeli Defense Force, the victims of terror attacks, and the families who have lost a loved one. The final celebration is Independence Day - think 4th of July, but (even) better. My students at school put on a beautiful ceremony to remember the Holocaust. They all wore white to school and sang songs. A loud siren played for two minutes through the country. Everything stops. People, cars, restaurants. Everyone stands in silence. The students at my school all rose and bowed their heads during the siren. All these kids understand what happened to their family members during World War 2, it's unbelievable and an experience I can't forget. The program I am in, Israel Pathways (a reminder because I have been such a bad blogger lately), set up a seminar for us starting right after Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Rememberance Day) through Yom HaZikaron (rememberance day for fallen soldiers and terror victims). We visited Yad Vashem (Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem), Har Herzl (military cemetery), Menachem Begin Museum, and Israeli Art Museum. We had a beautiful ceremony in Latrun that commemorated fallen soldiers, specifically "Olim Hadashim" (people who move to Israel). "Lone Soldier" is a term for someone serving in the Israeli Army that has moved to Israel without any family. They are given a lot of great benefits including a place to live, usually on a Kibbutz. Unfortunately, these soldiers lose their lives too. We heard their stories and testimonials from their families. It was almost unbearable for me. These kids, yes kids, are 19, 20, 21 years old. They fight for an entire country. And they die as heroes. I felt so much pride for Israel this night, even more than I do on a regular basis, and I still continue being stunned at the fighting that goes on here. The final morning of our seminar, we were invited to attend the government ceremony honoring the fallen soldiers and victims of terror at Har Herzl. This is an extremely beautiful cemetery and the event is honor to be able to attend. Even though it was all in Hebrew, we got to hear B.B. Netanyahu (the Prime Minister of Israel) speak. Lastly, we said Kaddish for those we have lost.

The party starts at sunset - Yom Ha'Atzmaut! Independence Day! Israel is 64 years old and I have the honor of living here, making friends here, and teaching here. I celebrated for myself, for the Israelis that risk their lives to live here, and for Jews all over the world that have a place like this to call home. I went to a few different parties and had a great day at the beach. The whole country goes wild. There are people in the streets and in all the bars. There is a lot of conflict with this idea. Those who lost a son, daughter, friend, brother, sister, or anyone in this war spends the whole day mourning and then they are expected to celebrate for this country that yes, indeed, is still pretty messed up. The State of Israel is 100% something to celebrate every year, but it is so hard for a family to do this directly after grieving a loss. I don't connect as deeply to this, so it was easy for me to wave an Israeli flag and be proud following a week of commemoration, but I do understand where they are coming from.

So many things in this country need to be fixed. The litter problems, the price of gas, the price of cars, and the price of homes, the racism, the war, the list goes on. But I have never felt so proud to be somewhere as I felt this past week. I miss my family and friends with everything I have, and going home to hug them all sounds amazing. But after my experience, after being surrounded by these young men and women wearing their uniforms because they learned that they are here to live for each other and not for themselves, that makes me proud. I am proud to see my students, 6 years old to 12 years old, respecting a moment of silence for those who died in the Holocaust and for understanding that Jews have struggled for freedom for many, many years. I am proud to have a second country I am allowed to call "home."

(I thought I lost my camera charger, so no pictures, sorry. And no worries, I found it! Phew.)

Slicha...

Shlomit & Yaki's Wedding with Amanda.

Wow...I am terrible. I love to write. I love keeping a journal - especially when I am abroad. But why o' why have I sucked at keeping up this blog? I'll be totally, totally honest...laziness. Winter took hold of my body and I just didn't find the chance to sit and my computer and do what I love most...type away. So much, well too much, has happened here in Israel since my last post. I will try to remember the quick version, as much as I can of it. There was Purim (f***ing amazzzzing), a visit to the children's hospital, Tel Aviv Street Party, Afrojack!, my Sister and Jeremy came to visit (lots of driving, and eating, and driving, and floating in the Dead Sea, climbing Masada, all the tourist stuff again), a HUGE Israeli wedding (Mazal Tov L'Shlomt v'Yaki), an Engagement Party (Mazal Tov L'Avigail v'Chuck) teaching and teaching and teaching, then no teaching during Pesach break, and a camping adventure just last night. Phew! Now here we are...I have had 2 weeks off for Passover. I had a really nice dinner with the Levy's, minus a seder which is ironic, but still fun nonetheless. I am obviously still having a ball. I love every minute that I am here. I won't lie - there are many things I miss about home too. But it's just too hard to be homesick when I have the sand in my toes and the Mediterranean Sea staring me back in the eye.

Global Warming Purim Party - Dead Sea

Delivering gifts to the Children's Hospital for Purim!

With my time in Israel fading (too) fast, I have started to realize that I need to figure out my future. I need to make plans. I know, I know, I am growing up and grown ups work and pay bills and settle down. But why does that just not seem right? I still have a lot I want to do before all that. Once you do all that, then what? You just do that until you retire? No thanks. I don't want regrets and I want to go and travel now. Of course money is a factor, maybe the only factor, and I plan on making some of that green paper right when I get home. But why is it so bad to just work really hard anywhere I can and then go on another trip? Why do Americans have rules about what age to go to school, work, get married, have kids. It will all come and happen when it is supposed to happen. But what is the rush? I am very happy for all the friends and family in my life who have done those things, but those are the things that happened to them...I just have different things happening to me. In June I will be 23. That is young. Too young to not do what I want to do. Maybe this is selfish, or maybe my family reading this wants to strangle me for being such a "chunty bunty" as we call it in Israel, but I can't help it. I find my happiness in traveling. If you do too, don't deprive yourself of it. Everyone deserves the luxury of traveling. When I say luxury, I don't mean 5-star hotels and lobster dinners on the beach. I'm the girl who stays in hostels and eats street food. I just mean the luxurious benefits that traveling brings to your mind, body, and soul. The clarity it gives you and the amazing beauty of places unknown.



So that's my plan...no plan at all. Just the way I like it :)

Playin' Hooky & Plantin' them Trees.

Not because I want to. My door won't lock to my apartment, sooo I have been waiting for the locksmith to come for almost 2 hours now. I missed my whole day of school with the kids. I'm bummed. Today is Tu B'Shvat - the birthday of the trees (very similar to Earth Day in America). There was lots of yummy treats at school and fun activities and I missed out! On a positive note, my roommate and I finallllllly got our curtains up that we bought 5 months ago (so sad) and I have been sitting in this room enjoying them.

I have missed a good amount of time writing on this blog for whatever reason, but it's February, its Tu B'Shvat, it's almost Valentine's Day, and well, I'm locked in my room. So what better time to blab? 

The BEST news I can share is that my sister, Jessica, and her hubby, Jeremy, are coming to visit me in a month!!! I couldn't be more excited. I already have so many great things planned for us to do, but we only have a week so we are going to jam-pack it. It is Jeremy's first time and Jessica hasn't been in a little over four years so I can pretend to be a tourist all over again! 

My teaching partner...obviously not teaching at the moment.

Lately, being a volunteer, I realize a lot about money and spending it and making it. A wise guy (yes a wise-guy who is actually quite smart) recently told me, "Money? What is money? I am supposed to spend the money I make. Should I be taking it to the grave with me?" I like this. I am not dumb about my spending, but working everyday without making money...that is when you understand what is rewarding and what is important. You don't have to always work to get the paycheck. What about working just to do something good for someone else or for yourself? I cherish the fact that everyday I have to get up early and hang out with 9, 10, 11, and 12 year olds who don't speak my language and it's not for nothing. It's for something that I will keep forever, just a special feeling. Some days I can admit, I forget this thought and think why am I doing thissss? But when I get that first smile and "Shalom Alana!" from the kids...my heart melts. 

If you are missing something extraordinary like this in your life, it is never too late to volunteer!

L'hitraot,

xoxo