I have been a student for 16 years or so of my life. My days have been filled with linoleum tiles under my feet, wooden desks holding up my elbows, fluorescent lighting illuminating my Maybelline covered skin, and the sounds of laughter, sighs, and schools bells ringing in my ears. My nights have been dedicated to dance practices, homework assignments, slumber parties, and running around at my part time job greeting and seating customers. This has always been a routine. Life has always had schedule and it has always revolved around school. The stress of research papers and exams have kindly forced me to accept that pill bottle on my nightstand. My schooling has burdened my mother with phone calls whether filled with tears or joy where I made her stay on the phone with me until her ears bled. From preschool through elementary school, middle school, high school, and now college, I have become the person I am today, typing away on my Mac Book and listening to the sweet melodies of post-rock, indie-funk tunes. Events that are considered "major" in my life: being nominated for Prom Court, studying for a semester in Thailand, and things of that sort, have also been the contributors to my persona and exist only because of my education. I am forever grateful that I was born in a place that has given me the ability to go to school for free and attend a college of my choice for a price that I may or may not have to pay back later. But now I am faced with this inconceivable fear. I am graduating from my four-year university with a Bachelor's Degree, majoring in Journalism in Media Studies and minoring in Jewish Studies. It sounds fascinating, and it has been. I have learned more in four years than I have in all the years of my previous education combined (which I believe is the case for all college students). Now I am given this paper that I can use to prove my accomplishments to other people and apply for jobs with fancy titles. It all sounds wonderful, but without school - who am I? I don't know any other lifestyle. I don't know mornings without three cups of coffee guzzled down my throat and rushing out the door with only time to put one arm through the jacket. The fear is equivalent to the excitement. It is overwhelmingly exhilarating knowing that the entire world is mine to be had. I can do anything, apply for any job, travel to any country, volunteer with any organization, and wake up at whatever time I please. School has taught me that being unproductive leads to depression, therefore I will not allow myself to become a full-time waitress, but the fear lies in the idea that school has not let me be a failure - what if the "real world" does?
Monday, May 16, 2011
The Journey is the Destination
I have been a student for 16 years or so of my life. My days have been filled with linoleum tiles under my feet, wooden desks holding up my elbows, fluorescent lighting illuminating my Maybelline covered skin, and the sounds of laughter, sighs, and schools bells ringing in my ears. My nights have been dedicated to dance practices, homework assignments, slumber parties, and running around at my part time job greeting and seating customers. This has always been a routine. Life has always had schedule and it has always revolved around school. The stress of research papers and exams have kindly forced me to accept that pill bottle on my nightstand. My schooling has burdened my mother with phone calls whether filled with tears or joy where I made her stay on the phone with me until her ears bled. From preschool through elementary school, middle school, high school, and now college, I have become the person I am today, typing away on my Mac Book and listening to the sweet melodies of post-rock, indie-funk tunes. Events that are considered "major" in my life: being nominated for Prom Court, studying for a semester in Thailand, and things of that sort, have also been the contributors to my persona and exist only because of my education. I am forever grateful that I was born in a place that has given me the ability to go to school for free and attend a college of my choice for a price that I may or may not have to pay back later. But now I am faced with this inconceivable fear. I am graduating from my four-year university with a Bachelor's Degree, majoring in Journalism in Media Studies and minoring in Jewish Studies. It sounds fascinating, and it has been. I have learned more in four years than I have in all the years of my previous education combined (which I believe is the case for all college students). Now I am given this paper that I can use to prove my accomplishments to other people and apply for jobs with fancy titles. It all sounds wonderful, but without school - who am I? I don't know any other lifestyle. I don't know mornings without three cups of coffee guzzled down my throat and rushing out the door with only time to put one arm through the jacket. The fear is equivalent to the excitement. It is overwhelmingly exhilarating knowing that the entire world is mine to be had. I can do anything, apply for any job, travel to any country, volunteer with any organization, and wake up at whatever time I please. School has taught me that being unproductive leads to depression, therefore I will not allow myself to become a full-time waitress, but the fear lies in the idea that school has not let me be a failure - what if the "real world" does?
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